Instructions for
                     "Shooting Yourself in the Foot"
                      in various computer languages
                         and systems/interfaces

C:	You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++:	 You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
	them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is
	impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which
	are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN:
	You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out
	of toes; then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run
	out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-
	handling routine.

Modula-2:
	After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in
	this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

LISP:	You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
	you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
	you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

COBOL:	USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.Foot, THEN place
	ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN. TRIGGER and SQUEEZE.  THEN return
	HANDGUN to HOLSTER.  CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

BASIC:	Shoot yourself in the foot with water pistol. On big systems,
	continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual BASIC:
	You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun
	doing it that you won't care.

FORTH:	Foot in yourself shoot.

APL:	You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out
	how to do it in fewer characters.

Pascal:	The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

UNIX:
	% ls
	foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
	% rm * .o
	rm: .o: No such file or directory
	% ls
	%

Motif:	You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
	trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the
	ivory handles of the gun.  When you finally get around to
	pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Apple System 7:
	Double click the gun icon and a window giving a selection for
	guns, target areas, plus balloon help with medical remedies, and
	assorted sound effects. Click shoot button and small bomb appears
	with note "Error of type 1 has occurred."

DOS (all versions):
	You finally found the gun, but can't locate the file with the foot
	for the life of you.

Ada:	If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United
	States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in
	front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his
	feet."

Algol:	You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is
	aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent
	medic in the emergency room.

APL (alternate):
	You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't
	remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened.

Assembler:
	You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system
	administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment
	of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot
	and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in
	sight.

sh, csh, etc.:
	You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five
	hours reading man pages before giving up.  You then shoot the
	computer and switch to C.

Smalltalk:
	You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing
	system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your
	workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character-cell
	terminal.

English:
	You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.