From:         Newbie
Newsgroups:   alt.sex.bondage
Subject:      For all bondage newbies Pt 3
Date:         20 Dec 1995 18:50:11 GMT

Hi again!

This is the third question/answer letter between Master M1 and
myself.

As usual, no editing has taken place.

Many thanks to Master M1 for his time, patience, and permission to
post this and all other letters.

Newbie
 
=========================================================


NB>>and female doms. They tend to have slaves that are younger...perhaps
  >>age brings wisdom? Or something else, Or I could be dead wrong.

NB>...or it could be that in society, the assumption is that the elder has a
  >natural authority of the younger?  This would translate smoothly into an
  >older dom with a younger sub.

Might be, but I tend to think not...I won't even enter into this since
in the Mistress community (correct me if I am wrong) there are many 
young mistress's with older guys groveling at their feet.

NB>>wrong. She denied that anything was wrong. Finally she told me that a
  >>loud commanding voice scared her, that the softer I spoke the faster
  >>she wanted to do something. I also learned through this communication

NB>As with this new budding relationship [btw congrats and best wishes], the
  >communication plays a vital role.  When you do start new master/slave
  >relationships, there must be some ways to "test the waters" and find out
  >just what will work and what won't.  I guess this is where my "safe words"
  >question came from - the way in which a master and slave will discover what
  >is pleasurable and what is not [ie strong commanding voice vs low soft
  >voice].  Being experienced, you obvioiusly are more in tune with the signs
  >of when a new slave is enjoying the budding relationship and can learn from
  >her reactions.  

Each one works out their own ways of "testing the waters" Just last 
week I heard from a potential "slave" with whom I had extensive 
correspondence some time ago. She and I never made it. Why? 
Communication. She was new, I experienced. She called herself a "slave" 
and I objected to that term, she was offended by my telling her that 
she was NOT a "slave" that she could not call herself that, while there 
were other "Masters" telling her that she was a good one. At that time
she seemed to me to be topping from the bottom and she would deny it, 
but her actions spoke louder than words. I now realize that if one says 
and perceives ones self to be a "slave" then they ARE just that. 
However, they may not be a "slave" for or too me....I have already 
apologized to her for my lack of understanding. 

Experience seems to have little to do with it. I can be a clod, 
unfeeling, etc., witness my statements above...what I think it is is 
that certain something, that defies definition, the fact that you smell 
roses, your walk is lighter, your senses ever more acute, It is called
I believe chemistry. So I for one say YES, "better living through 
chemistry." Thanks for the congrats btw, I am very happy even though we 
have yet to meet. For the man who does not like email....oh well life 
is full of constantly changing things. I guess thats what makes it so 
much fun.

NB>However, when you obtained your first slave, was this
  >"emotional link" easy to establish, or was there a period when the two of
  >you were learning through trial and error?

Well no. <laughs> in fact my first experience (not first slave) was a 
hoot. How about handcuffing  the biggest busted girl in junior high to
the fence at lunch time, feel her up, having her wiggle and say, "stop
it, no don't do that" but never screaming....that is until the two of 
us realized that he didn't have the keys...Then she screamed... After 
that for some reason it went very easily. My shrink says this is 
because I was raised by multiple mother figures and in high school had
the unusual experience of sort of being "adopted" by the three most 
popular girls who called me their "brother" and while our relationship
was NEVER sexual they acted as if it were when we were in public and 
that bolstered me, made guys jealous, but there was never anything 
happening, but they knew of my desires, and although they thought of me 
as very kinky they sort of taught me and filled in the points about 
women that i did not understand or learn from the multiple mothers.

NB>The new woman in my life and I have discussed somewhat the possibility of us
  >beginning a sub/dom relationship, although I'm not sure how close to a
  >master/slave it would be.  Right now, we talk more about me giving
  >instructions and thinking of suitable punishments if she doesn't carry them
  >out.  What confuses me is that, although the idea of instructing someone
  >arouses me, I have also maintained that I derive pleasure from satisfying
  >the woman.  

BTW, congratulations to you too. Interesting that when we first started 
corresponding a few short weeks ago you despaired of ever finding 
anyone, remember? IMHO, you are doing very well. Don't be confused, I 
think that what you feel is perfectly normal. If you have a 
relationship if the woman is NOT satisfied why would she remain your 
slave, or want anything to do with you? Remember however that pleasure
and satisfaction come from many different areas. This is one of the 
reasons that I can have many slaves. One of them for example can cum 
just from my whispering in her ear. Sometimes (depending on her mood) I 
will whisper, "You cunt slut, fucking whore, your slit is getting wet 
just listening to me, CUM for me WHORE!" and she does. Sometimes I 
sense that she needs something different and it might be, "I love you,
I need you, and I want to make you happy, touch my cock while I whisper 
of my love for you, and cum when you do..." and she can...We also get 
into some heavy sado-masochistic play, but at a different time. I have
another slave who is a pain slut. If I don't really hurt her she can't
have an orgasm. I love this, but what she likes is that I don't do it 
HER way. I use imagination and vary her ordeals of pleasure. Then there 
is...oh you get the idea I am sure.

NB>In every relationship I've had so far, I have made every effort
  >to satisfy the woman before I am given sexual pleasure.  I enjoy the results
  >of my efforts when I can read the woman well enough to know exactly where
  >and how to touch her.  Is it possible for a relationship to exist where the
  >roles reverse from time to time?

Ah the secrets of being a good lover. however what you have described 
is not IMHO a role reversal...rather being a kind and considerate 
Master...someone a woman might WANT to serve...unless of course part of 
your discussions concerns her binding you, etc. 

When I was very young I used to tell women, "Look if I do anything 
that you REALLY don't like, or if I hurt you too much, then you can do
the male equivalent to me." I only had a taker one time....and she 
laughed when I started to tell her she was doing it wrong. She admitted 
that she wanted to see if I was really serious and that, no, I hadn't 
truly hurt her too much...so we then decided that she should be 
punished for that...lots of fun.

NB>Thanks again for your time... I haven't posted your last two replys to the
  >ASB as I'm unsure if I have your permission.  You stated it was ok for your

I know that but as I told you when we first started go ahead, just 
quote it all....I will post this one to ASB.

M1

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